April 10, 2016 Orlando, FL at Soul Quest Church of Mother Earth with Chris Young.
Ayahuasca, Meeting my Spiritual Grandmother. (The Second Night).
Let me start by saying if anyone ever thinks Ayahuasca is just a drug to get high on, you are sorely mistaken.
Ayahuasca is a medicine from Earth to assist humans. I did experience altered states yes, and it was amazing to see Earth itself through different eyes but I am 100% convinced I was assisted by a higher “something” I now call my Spiritual Grandmother, to release all my fear and pain, I kept deep within my physical body, which I didn’t even know existed.
Plus, it was more painful than pleasure but desperately needed!
Of all the people who were there I think there were only about two or three who felt they haven’t had a profound change in perception or any form of healing but they were not very open to discuss their experiences in the first place.
I haven’t talked to them but I did notice they were distant, even left as quickly as they could. The majority were elated. By the time we had our last integration on Sunday to share our experiences, everyone who stayed to participate, were rambling on and on, and what surprised me most, was our medicine man never interrupted anyone.
Those who barely spoke when we got there on Friday and who were very shy, suddenly couldn’t shut up, and talked for an hour, and everyone else were forced to just listen while waiting excitedly to share their own.
I also do know this for sure, that in our dual existence, we have a natural mother, father, grandfather, and grandmother, and I know we have a Spiritual Father, Mother, Grandfather, and Grandmother.
As in the macro so in the micro. As above so below. So with pure elation, I am honored to have now met my Grandmother, who did everything in her power to heal me with exactly where I placed my intent. Nothing more, and nothing less, with pure unconditional love, although at times, I felt I was physically dying.
I know that darkness was first then there was light. Light cannot be unless you go through the darkness towards the light. It’s not the proverbial darkness. It’s just all the dark stuff stuck within you. If you can face that darkness, you will change.
If you want to get high, go get involved in the chemical poisons being sold for a short trip of extacy to suffer years afterwards. But, if you want to heal SELF, let go of any disease, fear, and pain from traumas, anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol addictions etc., then research Ayahuasca and go face your fears. If it can heal soldiers PTSD, as we saw while filming a documentary on their journey, then why not anything else?
Here then, is the recount of the second day after my first experience with Grandmother Ayahuasca.
I have to admit after the first night, I felt so drained and was contemplating not to participate in the 2nd night.
We all felt elated, surprised, and eager to share our experiences during the integration session from the night before. It was awe inspiring to hear each person’s personal journey who briefly shared their experiences. Most were still shy to share too much, like me, although I was eager to talk about the strangeness of a constant forward moving Earth.
After a light lunch we sat or napped around until 3pm when we knew “no more to eat” to stay as light as possible for the 2nd ceremony starting at 9pm again. I was seriously contemplating not to participate.
At 4 or 5 pm our medicine man, Chris Young, the founder of The Soul Quest Native American Church, (he refuse to call himself a Shaman but in my opinion he is one through and through, if not more!) called some of us together, and came to sit down on the mats with us, with a few medicine bottles he called Rapé.
It’s free for volunteers he said, and explained the medicine. Soon more gathered around us.
Rapé he said, is a legal sacred shamanic snuff medicine, which is pronounced ‘ha-peh’ in English. It’s known to be casually referred to as ‘hape’, ‘hapi’ or ‘rapay” by some Western people. They are known to be very rare, sacred, powerful, precious, profoundly healing and cleansing miracle medicines. They are made in a very sacred and labour intensive process, and consist of various Amazonian medicinal plants, trees, leaves, seeds, and other sacred ingredients. Some types of rapé are made by various indigenous tribes, who originate from different South American countries – primarily Brazil and Peru.
Rapé profoundly helps to re-align and open all your chakras, improves your grounding, releases any sickness on physical, emotional, mental and spiritual levels, opens-up the third eye, de-calcifies the pineal gland, clears any mental confusion, releases any negative thoughts, removes any entities, connects you to your divine breath, and elevates your connection with Spirit.
Please note he said, that you may experience purging, vomiting, bowel movements and excess saliva, which is normal – where stuck energy, toxins and sickness are being released from your energetic and physical bodies. You may need a bucket, toilet tissue and drinking water close to hand. For more information go to http://www.soulquest-retreat.com/
I volunteered again, and must tell you, it was the most profound, painful experience I have ever felt. I left my body and saw myself from my white orb self above my head, looking down at me, seeing my Spirit as larger than this tiny ego of me, hearing myself make a joke that I have only one nose, one nostril. The requirement is to sniff both nostrils or you’ll be unbalanced he said. My eyes, nose and head were burning like hell but I was brave enough to endure the next nostril’s pain.
Then, I had about three hours of purging and feeling heat in each chakra until each was completely aligned and pure white light exploded outwards. I noticed not everyone had it as bad as a few of us but not everyone volunteered to participate. By then, I was convinced I am not participating in the final Ayahuasca ceremony. There was no way I could endure anymore purging. I had nothing in me to bring up anymore. I was done!
Around 9 pm everyone got up to start the 2nd sacred ceremony but I couldn’t move. I laid on my mat completely drained yet, I felt different. I laid there in a fetal position listening to Chris do the ceremony and heard him at one point talk about how the ego and mind can convince you that you will not need anymore, and that you are done with your healing and purging because fear will set in.
I thought to myself, “Oh, you are so wrong, the mind and the ego are one.” Not realizing at that moment that it was indeed my ego taking because I do know deep within that the ego will always look for what is right and wrong, whereas the Soul will KNOW what IS but at that moment in my misery, I chose not to remember, and just wanted the nightmare to end.
My 32 year old daughter, a PhD psychologist was with me on this journey, and at one point I heard her say, “Mom, a rebirth cannot happen without contraction. Allow your body to contract while purging even if nothing comes out anymore.” I silently thought. “Wow! She’s right!” But stayed adamant, I am not doing it again! My rebirth ends after this rapé to my body and nose.
“This ceremony will be different even more intense,” I heard Chris explain from a distance while feeling sorry for myself, “because you did most of facing your fear the first night” and in my head, I’m confirming, for me it was pain not fear, hoping he could hear me think, convincing myself.
This night,” he continued, “you will begin to see the beauty and the light rather than just your darkness, fear, and pain.” He again insisted, “To truly heal and have full benefit, you must let go of your fear and participate even if you take half the dose.”
I wasn’t convinced and just laid there listening to the sacred cleansing of each individual. I heard they were told to move from the circle where the fire is, to go back to their mats and that Chris will do the sacred serving by the mats.
Again they were told to place their intent into the cup, and after ingestion, they must sit up straight for 30 minutes before laying down but to not purge the medicine for at least 20 minutes to give it time to do its work. I heard and saw everyone come back to their mats. I laid their listening to the continued ceremony when suddenly I felt 100% okay.
Immediately, I sat up and at that very moment Chris was right in front of me, as if he was called to my mat. I said, “OMG, I feel amazing my chakras exploded again into light and now all the heat, pain, and nausea was instantly gone! I do know one thing though, my Spirit is big and my ego is very tiny because I saw it!” He laughed and kneeled in front of me and said, “Come here,” and pulled my head towards his hands where he rubbed a strange but beautiful smell of sacred water all over my head.
I said, “I’ll do it but half a dose.” He smiled and left to continue the ceremony of digestion. When it was my turn, I got up thinking I’ll be walking on shaky legs but felt surprisingly strong.
My intent this time was to experience the unconditional love that I am, so I could give unconditional love to others, drank the thick substance, and shivered with disgust. I walked to my mat and sat up, looking at my daughter next to me with fear, praying to hold this brown stuff in.
Surprisingly, it went down okay. I felt normal. Thirty minutes later, no purging and I felt calm and thought, “wow, I could even go to sleep.
Grandmother Ayahuasca is done with me.” I looked at my daughter again, praying she will be okay facing her demons, and laid down. Ten minutes later, I felt my daughter hug me so hard making sure I was warm enough, telling me she loves me. I felt this intense warm heat come from my base up to my head and asked in my head, “Is this what unconditional love feels like?” And I heard the same female voice from the night before but this time she was right by me, not far off in the distance.
She said, “No that is just heat.” I asked, “Why don’t I feel that unconditional love then?” And she said, “Love is not an emotion. It is constant. How can you “feel” something that you already are?”
She then took me gently on another few personal places and said, “By the way, the ego and the mind are different. The mind you will always need because it is your language and your bank account but the ego you must kill. That is a personality you created from the age of 2 from all the no’s and rejections you received to protect you. You don’t need the ego anymore. This is what I wanted you to die off since yesterday. Are you willing to die. Are you willing to die off your ego?” I said yes, and surrendered. Then again with such gentleness she asked me, “Are you ready to face the snake?”
This is where I need to explain about a piece of my first Ayahuasca experience, when my then still big ego, did not want to include the snake part in my writing of part one.
You see, while I was in and out of my altered states, during that first experience I saw this huge snake. I didn’t feel fear for it but I didn’t want to give that snake any more attention, that would give it power. So I chose to ignore it but each time, I would open my eyes, I would see this snake right in front of my face staring at me, lying on my chest, and each time I would say, “I know you, I’ve seen you before but please just stay where you are don’t come any closer to me. For God’s sake, please I beg you, just stay there! Don’t come any closer!”
The snake would just move from left to right, staring at me not coming any closer but also not going away either. I would quickly close my eyes again but each time for about 5 hours, when I would open my eyes he was right there, staring at me. I never mentioned the snake because I knew I have seen it exactly like this right in my face before but can’t remember when or where. Maybe in a dream? I chose to not give it anymore thought or power because I just refused to be afraid of it, or so I thought.
So now, when Grandmother Ayahuasca asked me on my second night, if I was ready to face the snake, I asked, “The snake I am afraid off?” And she said, “Yes, the snake you refuse to admit you are afraid of. That snake is just the kundalini.”
I exclaimed relieved, “Oh that’s who it is! Why didn’t you say so before? I thought this snake wants to come curl around me and suffocate me, or come in me and kill me,” and for the first time, I heard her laugh. I finally admitted my fear.
I felt myself surrender and all of a sudden I felt something curl up at the base of my spine, and I could see it gather up all the brown orange color at my base, and suddenly, I felt a burst of light and a huge pop, and I saw that brown, orange muggy color turn into a beautiful crystal light, brightly sparkling all around expanding, circling, waving. A completely different light than the light I saw after taking the Rapé.
This light had transparent crystals within its brightness. Sparkling like crystal rain drops, glistening, spiraling, reflecting kaleidoscopes of colors from the environment but not from color of itself because it has no color. It’s just a brilliant, brilliant crystal light.
Then, I felt it move up to my sacral and I could see it gather all the yellow color it could find in the lower part of my being, and I heard the same burst and loud pop that went quicker and faster than the first. I felt it faster and faster moving up each chakra bursting it to the most magnificent crystalline light I have ever seen and I heard her say, “This is your true being. You will never have to face your chakras again. You are now one of only a few thousand who managed to birth the new human DNA structure of a crystalline being, away from the carbon being, here on Earth. You are now anchoring in the new human on Earth. Congratulations and thank you for your service, and for the work you do for Earth. Go now and teach others to strive for the same.”
I felt such gratitude and like a puppet on a string, felt I was being pulled up to purge all the medicine into the bucket by my feet. I felt empty and uplifted. Drained but filled. I couldn’t sleep during the hours of having the medicine in my body even after I purged it. I did however, feel every moment of its work of healing, while in me. I felt every action of it go from one space to the next in my physical body, contacting, releasing, healing, and finally gathering all, to purge into a bucket, waiting patiently by my feet, being emptied out by Earth Angels, (called facilitators).
Eventually I just laid there in a fetal position rocking back and forth, trying to get my physical body to accept this strange feeling of being. I laid there for hours with no strength to reach for my phone to glance at the time, or to move, or to talk, or to get up to go to the bathroom, or to gesture to anyone to ask about my daughter because I felt she was no longer next to me.
Although I saw the facilitators walk by every five to ten minutes checking on each of us, even seeing Chris walk up and down, noticing others were helped to move their mats to the fire for heat as the cold crept in. I saw they were all thinking I was sound asleep but instead I just listened while others purged, to finally hear my daughter laughing and talking at the fire playing guitar, the drum, singing with others until dawn, when I was finally able to fall asleep exhausted, knowing she was safe.
A day later, I still feel strange but to explain this feeling the best I can, is to say I feel like I have been sick for many, many years but now know with clarity that I am healed. I also know that I will need time to gain my strength back after my long illness, and will need time to adjust to this different me. I cannot think of eating anything other than fruit, oats, or nuts no matter how hungry I am.
I truly hope my dream of becoming vegetarian or even vegan can finally come true! This will remain to be seen but for the first time, I feel my body is requesting it from my consciousness not the other way around, where my body never had a say, and was always out voted. I even lost about 10 pounds. I am new.
Allow me to give praise to Chris and his amazing team of facilitators. Chris took the time to get to know each one of us personally and was working with each of us individually non stop. It’s almost as if he never slept. He was just always there. Every minute, every hour. His facilitators mirrored his compassion as they all served us, going way beyond hospitality, love, kindness, tenderness, with genuine care, even therapy. I could not have chosen a better facility to experience Ayahuasca, and it’s way more affordable than going to Peru. I am eternally grateful to all of you for the work you do, first on yourself, then to serve others with such compassion. I now have complete faith in humanity again! Thank you for healing me. I will see you again.